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Dept. of Nataldalia

Here's The Deal With My Deal With Birthdays

Why do I do this? Or more accurately, why do I do these things? Why do I fail to acknowledge peoples' birthdays, and then why do i do I try to make up for that failure by acknowledging past, present and future birthdays all in one huge post?

I don't know the answer to the first. I honestly don't know. I see birthday notifications coming up in my email, and somehow I end up shying away from them. That tendency probably started at some point when I just wasn't feeling like posting anything, and then snowballed, as the list of people's birthdays grew longer and more stale, and somehow The List of Birthdays grew to be a Thing. I have Things - we probably all have Things; things that grew to be important out of proportion because we didn't get to them, and which should, in all probability, be let go of. They become Things because we can't let go of them. And this is a Thing with me.

I have an idea about the answer to the second thing, but I acknowledge that it's contorted and Byzantine and in all likelihood a bad answer.

After all, there are huge down sides to the way I do it. In a way, I can see it as a crude and lazy way of trying to discharge a minor social ... not duty, but perhaps a minor social expectation. If I pitch it a certain way in my head, I can even wince at its crudeness - grimace at a sort of vulgarity in the assumption that a one-size-fits-all mass birthday greeting has to be good enough for the interesting, well-liked and sometimes beloved people to whom I belatedly make it.

So, again, I should just send the out-of-date birthday notifications to the trash and decide either to be better about notifications in the future, or stop wishing people "Happy Birthday" completely. That would make the most sense.

But I can't seem to do that. And I find it important that I acknowledge people on These Here Intarwebz. I often don't comment on their own sites, even when they say things that are brilliant about life or the things we mutually love. I often don't say things about how much I enjoyed their drabbles and their stories. I don't tell them nearly as often as I should that I feel for their troubles and hope they surmount or survive them. In short, I don't tell them how important I find their company.

Telling them that I hope their birthday was happy, or is happy, or will be happy, is one small way that I can do it. At least it seems that way to me in my head.

So I hope you'll forgive me for wishing you all very late birthday happiness. Because I do mean it, and you all are important to me.

Happy Birthday, newly-degree'd [personal profile] autographedcat ! And to [personal profile] joking , a wonderful writer; and todarkpike, who is funny and biting and who I don't talk to often enough; to the newly discovered and very creative [personal profile] masakochan ; to the rather amazing writer roachpatrol; togrbggrl from long ago and to the talented multi-fandom-writing astrogirl2.

I'm glad I know you all.

This entry was originally posted at http://kaffyr.dreamwidth.org/227745.html?mode=reply, where there are currently comment count unavailable comments. You can comment there or here; I watch both.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
gerisullivan
Jul. 11th, 2012 08:10 pm (UTC)
We all do or don't do birthday posts in our own way. I find your way sweet, and more so if you can find a way to make the combo before/during/after/whatever posts without guilt. Or with considerably less guilt.

Me, I'm inconsistent. I should probably refresh my memory on how to date posts so they show up in the future (if that's possible...I know you can change the date to something in the past). 'Cause the birthday reminders show up too early for me. If I'm to post consistently, I need to be able to make the post when I first see the reminder, not two days later when the birthday actually occurs.

Or I could start posting "Happy Birthday Two Days From Now" posts. :-)

As it is, I occasionally post birthday greetings on the day. Far more often, I don't.

It's perhaps telling that for all of my adult life, I enjoyed hearing Daddy say, "Christmas is everyday." Birthday greetings and such are likewise a source of enjoyment whenever they arrive.
kaffyr
Jul. 11th, 2012 08:58 pm (UTC)
Thank you for reminding me that I've company ... and for reminding me that every day is Christmas. Your father was a wise man.

Love you!
astrogirl2
Jul. 11th, 2012 09:24 pm (UTC)
Aww, thank you! From someone who also doesn't comment much. And who has some weird inhibition about doing birthday posts at all, because if I acknowledge one person's birthday, I'll have to do it for everyone I've ever known, online or off, right? And I'll inevitably leave someone out, and that will be horrible, and just I can't stand the pressure. Yeah, it's an easy thing to have issues about, somehow. :))
kaffyr
Jul. 13th, 2012 03:38 pm (UTC)
Yup - the thought process you just detailed is indeed part of what turns into my Thing About Birthdays. We humans have weird ways of processing things, don't we?
a_phoenixdragon
Jul. 12th, 2012 12:41 pm (UTC)
Awww, bb...you make the effort when you can - and I know everyone appreciates that. You is made of awesome. Don't forget it. Your friends don't!

*HUGS*
kaffyr
Jul. 13th, 2012 03:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you, my dear!
apostle_of_eris
Jul. 12th, 2012 02:21 pm (UTC)
You do it the way you do it. Like lots of us with lots of things.
What impelled you to make this post?
kaffyr
Jul. 13th, 2012 03:45 pm (UTC)
What impelled you to make this post?

Hmmm. A couple of things, I think.

First, irritation at myself for getting so wound up about The Thing.

Then, interest in trying to figure it out - again, for myself - and an interest in writing down, plainly and understandably, what I'd figured out.

As I wrote, I became interested in making each sentence communicate as well as possible.

Thirdly, I wondered what others might think of the odd, lurching way in which I addressed birthdays.

Writing this down and posting it thus became triply useful for me; it explained a little bit of my actions to myself, it acted as a writing exercise, and it explained a little of my actions to people I thought important enough to share the information with. In doing so, I recognized that some folks might think my subject, and the feelings I had about that subject, were not, or should be, a subject of concern to me, or to them. But it made me feel better.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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