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Dept. of Chagrin

 A [community profile] fandom_stocking  Apology

Folks, for the first time since 2011, when  I fell in love with 
[community profile] fandom_stocking  - the only "-athon" I write for, and the one that has given me such joy - I am most probably not going to be able to fill anyone's stocking. 

When I signed up myself, I was full of plans; I'd just finished the last two promised 2015 stocking stuffers, and I'd thought that had primed my creative pump. And, as I always do each season, I thought perhaps this was the year that I could focus on drabbles, or at least shorter stories. Plus, I had my vacation coming up, and I'd be able to write something every day ....

Yeah. Didn't happen. I can't even figure out definitively why, although last night I told BB it might be that finishing up those 2015 stories had, instead of priming the pump, run the well dry. God knows, this has been a terrible writing year for me; it's the first time since 2007 that I haven't been able to get at least one chapter of Hearts & Moons completed. 

The events of November also have affected me, perhaps more deeply than even I thought. 

Yesterday, the day before my vacation ended, I suddenly wrote two paragraphs of something, and I thought, "Aha! Adrenaline junkie time! You can at least get two stories done before my vacation, and perhaps a third one before the stockings go live ....

And then this morning, I burned my left index finger, ironing a shirt. It's bandaged up now, and doesn't hurt too much, but the bandage makes typing incredibly frustrating. I'm down from 80-plus words a minute to, I don't know, 30-40, what with having to fix up mistakes. GAAAAAAaarrrhh!

tl;dr - after burbling about 
[community profile] fandom_stocking , and looking forward to it, I don't think I can take part. I don't say it can't happen. Anything can happen, of course, and one never shuts the door, but - and there's an end to the sentence. 

Perhaps next year more of us can hang stockings, and I can fill all of them. 

*sighs, heads off to the grocery store*
This entry was originally posted at http://kaffyr.dreamwidth.org/644330.html?mode=reply, where there are currently comment count unavailable comments. You can comment there or here, but prefer to read over on DW. You can comment there using open ID if you don't have a DW account.

Comments

( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
eaweek
Jan. 2nd, 2017 08:36 pm (UTC)
So sorry to hear you hurt your hand. Burns are the worst. : (
kaffyr
Jan. 2nd, 2017 09:57 pm (UTC)
Thanks - right now, it's bandaged so completely that I'm not feeling any pain. Just frustration at my slow typing. I'm going to change the bandage later, to something less cumbersome. We'll see if I can balance typing facility with freedom from pain.
eaweek
Jan. 3rd, 2017 04:21 pm (UTC)
Slow typing sucks. I still have horrible memories, thankfully now more than 15 years ago, of not being able to type in the worst days of my wrist tendonitis. I could barely work. I couldn't do any "recreational" typing, including fiction. I felt like a critical part of my body had been ripped right out of me. It took several years of proper ergonomic supports, voice dictation software, occupational and physical therapy, ice, rest, and pain medications, before I got back to semi-normal. And even now, it flares up if I do something stupid, like try to lift objects that are too heavy for me.

So I feel your pain.
kaffyr
Jan. 3rd, 2017 07:04 pm (UTC)
Oh lord, that sounds horrible! I've tried working with voice dictation (Dragon Naturally Speaking), and even though it was pretty good, I'm so used to working fast and essentially "thinking" with my fingers first (and not my brain, which could lead to a lot of jokes, but I digress) that voice dictation didn't help me with fic writing.

I'm glad you're largely back to fighting weight, as it were, but the fact that you still have problems from time to time sucks.
lost_spook
Jan. 2nd, 2017 08:55 pm (UTC)
Aww, poor you! And don't worry about fandom_stocking! Look after yourself. You can always do something else another time if and when it suits you, or pop belated things in stockings if you really wanted to - and in the meantime, we get to put nice things in your stocking to cheer you up, so it's still happening. I am sorry, though. I'd be so sad if Yuletide fell through for me! :-)

(I doubt very much I'll be doing much in the way of writing for it myself, either, but I'm trying to do other things this time.)

kaffyr
Jan. 2nd, 2017 10:00 pm (UTC)
I know I shouldn't get all weepy about something like this, and I guess it's just a bit irrational to apologize. Everything you say is absolutely right, and I still feel awful about it. But at least admitting that I'm not apt to be successful at fic-writing helps a bit. (And right now, I don't even have the spoons to look for lovely pictures to make holiday greetings or IOUs, or hunt down nice recipes for people.)

But you have a point about belated stocking stuffers. Maybe that's the way for me to go.
lost_spook
Jan. 3rd, 2017 10:17 am (UTC)
Belated stocking stuffers are always an option! I don't think your belated recipients this year were at all displeased with what then became completely surprise gifts? ;-D

But,no, of course you're upset! *hugs* As I said, I would be gutted if I had to miss Yuletide, and I know fandom_stocking is your particular fannish event of the year.

But, you know, you're always a lovely person to gift to and, though it may sound silly, that's always a small gift back in return! <3

I hope you feel better asap, though!
kaffyr
Jan. 4th, 2017 03:47 pm (UTC)
I'm actually working on a second story today - I don't know how in the world my mind works. But I'm going to relax about it.
a_phoenixdragon
Jan. 2nd, 2017 10:11 pm (UTC)
Oh, honey!! I'm so sorry!! I hope you heal up soon!

It has been a weird/bad/insane year for everyone. I'm sure everyone more than understands...

*HUGS*
kaffyr
Jan. 2nd, 2017 10:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks to immediate cold water treatment, the burn appears to be reasonably in hand. It's the damned bandage that's bothering me now (every time I try for an "e" or a "u" I get an added "r" which is Making. Me. Crazy.

I know folks are extremely understanding, (Hrm...didn't I aim that sort of message at you last year? And didn't you respond pretty much the way I'm doing? Still, you're absolutely right, and I need to cool the frak out.

*Hugs right back*
a_phoenixdragon
Jan. 2nd, 2017 10:58 pm (UTC)
I do believe you did, lol! And yes'm, that is correct. My stars! *CACKLES*

*Peppers you with joyous kisses*
kaffyr
Jan. 4th, 2017 01:01 am (UTC)
Kisses are always appreciated, especially today (Tuesday), which sucked big-time.
a_phoenixdragon
Jan. 4th, 2017 01:38 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry, lovie!! What happened??

*Applies extra kisses*

Ohhh, I got your card!! Gods, woman...you and BB are too kind!! What would I do without you two????? The card was adorable, btw!! All my other cards have come down..think I'll leave this one up a bit. :D Because baby animules in snow! Eeeee!

*Hugs you hard*
kaffyr
Jan. 4th, 2017 03:53 pm (UTC)
Yesterday was a day in phone-call hell, about my health care prescription plan. I am not kidding when I say I spent four hours of the day on the phone to three separate entities trying to straighten out a problem. By the end of the day, all I'd learned was that many people in the company had run into the same problem on the same day, and they were working to fix it.

In the meantime, however, BB couldn't renew his pain medication prescriptions, because the pharmacy, like me and like all my unfortunate colleagues, couldn't reach the entity that handles prescriptions for our company.

Yeah, not a great day, so all the kisses and hugs are much obliged.

Glad you got the card! Apply as necessary, baby animules and all!
a_phoenixdragon
Jan. 7th, 2017 02:36 am (UTC)
Ye gods!! What a !@#$ing NIGHTMARE. As one who has had to jump through governmental hoops, well aquainted with nightmare. Corporate/insurance hoops are just as bad if not worse. Gods...

I hope the next day was better (and many apologies for the lateness...ack!)

Sending more hugs and kisses (even if your day was better, who doesn't need more of those????)

Awww...still rocking the baby animules over here. SO. ADORABLE!!

*HUGS*
kaffyr
Jan. 7th, 2017 09:32 pm (UTC)
Things got about 75 percent better (we still have one technological problem to surmount) but it took a fair amount of pressure and phone calls to get things done. And today, I'm still adulting like crazy today, but I may also be able to relax a little and enjoy the rest of the weekend.
eve11
Jan. 3rd, 2017 12:41 pm (UTC)
:( It happens to everyone, I think--life getting in the way of writing. It's frustrating. I hope you can get back to it--or to something else to fill the creative void--soon.
kaffyr
Jan. 3rd, 2017 06:56 pm (UTC)
I hope so, too. Of course, it doesn't help that my typing has now been affected by this @#$%! burned index finger.
liadtbunny
Jan. 3rd, 2017 04:40 pm (UTC)
aw *hugs* Don't feel bad and as lost_spook says belated gifts are most welcome. Stuff happens and it can't be helped.
kaffyr
Jan. 3rd, 2017 06:56 pm (UTC)
Thanks; maybe I can figure out some late gifts.
robling_t
Jan. 3rd, 2017 11:26 pm (UTC)
Self-care is the first duty, god knows that's all I've been managing to try to stay on top of all year either, especially lately...
kaffyr
Jan. 4th, 2017 03:49 pm (UTC)
One of the problems is that for me, self-care includes writing fic. Yeah, I know; kind of silly (but it's not pathetic, which I might have said a few years ago.) I love writing fic.

How are you? How are your kittehz, and your parental unit?
robling_t
Jan. 11th, 2017 08:28 am (UTC)
Well, the kittehz have (mostly) stopped major hostilities, which is occasionally more than can be said of me and Mum, but at the moment nobody's physically on fire, at least, which is more than could be said for bits of 2016. If only my Muse weren't SO inclined to knit instead of writing as a response to stress...
kaffyr
Jan. 16th, 2017 02:43 am (UTC)
but at the moment nobody's physically on fire, at least, which is more than could be said for bits of 2016.

Lack of burning humans is to be counted as a positive these days.

And hey, if your Muse is knitting, that's still creative, right?
sarren
Jan. 4th, 2017 12:19 am (UTC)
Gah, hope you feel better soon.

I've managed to completely fail to notice this fandom_stocking thing in the entire time I've been on LJ, clearly the friending meme I did last year has brought me new friends and potential fun things - I will have to remember to sign up next year - in the meantime can anyone write drabbles for it. The deadline is the 6th, but you can just post belated ones? I'm sure people would be thrilled to get fics at any time!
kaffyr
Jan. 4th, 2017 03:55 pm (UTC)
Ah, fandom_stocking is wonderful; it used to be on LJ, but moved to Dreamwidth a few years ago. It's much smaller than Yuletide, and has much less in the way of structure. It's truly wonderful - you should check it out next holiday season.

You're right about the drabble thing - people write drabbles all the time for the stocking; my problem is that even when I try to write drabbles, they end up, at the shortest, as about 700-1,200 words, and because I'm a glacial writer, that cuts down on my ability to do anything. However, you can stuff stockings with favorite recipes, pictures that the recipient might like, simple good wishes, recs for vids and fics - so that's what I'll probably do!
sarren
Jan. 7th, 2017 11:19 am (UTC)
Ha, I just tried to write a drabble for it but failed at stopping too, so I understand :)

I'll try to remember to sign up next year.

I love your icon.
kaffyr
Jan. 7th, 2017 09:34 pm (UTC)
Heh ... glad to know I'm not the only one! As for the icon, it's absolutely gorgeous, isn't it? Feel free to take it, with credit to the person who made it (I have their name on it in my icon list.
( 28 comments — Leave a comment )

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