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Health Update

Breaking Silence
Folks, I'm sorry it's taken this long for me to update about Bob's health. Monday was a horrible day; I was frightened, exhausted and full of the irrational thought that fear and exhaustion bring. I can't even begin to speak to Bob's own fear, pain and exhaustion.

But things are better. Physically, there's still a lot left to be desired, but emotionally and spiritually I think we're steadier.

Oh, hell, where to start?

As of now (at least I think it's "as of now," but I've learned how quickly things can change in hospital, both bureaucratically and medically): Bob's been moved back out of ICU, into a rather old but definitely serviceable medical wing.

No, wait, go back a little further.

We made it through the awful night; in fact, Bob called me again Tuesday morning, sounding almost human. He still hadn't had any sleep, but the interventional radiology people wanted nothing to do with him and the gastoenterologist was going to be calling the shots. Thsi was good. He got more blood, was back off all liquids - nothing by mouth, so he had to go off a number of his meds, since some of them can't be used intravenously - and that afternoon he was strong enough to walk around the ICU with me (meaning down one hall and back to the bed).

By the end of the day, I'd written three stories in time for my deadline (done at the hospital; thank you modern mobile offices and hospital business center) and headed back to Bob's room. Things had changed again, of course;  while I wrote, he bled more, so he and the doc spoke again, and Bob was put on complete bed rest. No more walks. And the doctor decided on the ultimate simple tactic: "don't worry about going anywhere. You're going to be here for as long as it takes for you to rest yourself well." Sounds old-fashioned, but it meant the doctor was no longer focusing on trying invasive shit to get Bob out of the building as fast as possible. He was focusing on Bob's health.

That helped, and simply saying "that helped" doesn't begin to do it justice.

Spiritually and emotionally, Tuesday was an intense day for both of us, and for Andy. There were a lot of tears, and a lot of communication for Bob and me (Andy's time with him happened today.) It wasn't just the doctor's wise strategic move, either. Bob's head changed in a good way. That's his story to tell if he wants to, not mine, but it was a good thing.

And today, after I left, and before Andy went to visit, the doctor arrived and said that if he could go a full day without bleeding, they might put him back on clear liquids (nothing more than water or broth); if he went another day beyond that without bleeding, they'd begin to think about the possibility of getting him ready to go home.

I'm taking that under consideration, but nothing more. After Monday, after what he went through and after what we talked about, I'm willing to wait as long as it takes. I'm deathly lonely without him, but I do not want him to come home one second before the proper time.

I hope that tomorrow brings more and better news, and I will try to report promptly.

Finally, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for all your comments and support and worry and love. I didn't  respond to a great many of the messages you all left Monday night, because I simply couldn't bring myself to engage with anyone, (and that's unusual, says the woman who obsessively answers all posts under normal circumstances) but every comment was read and treasured. I have tried to keep Bob abreast of all the people who are rooting for him.


( 45 comments — Leave a comment )
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Oct. 7th, 2010 06:54 am (UTC)
He is getting excellent care, isn't he? That doesn't banish the fear and the stress, but it helps
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:43 pm (UTC)
Oh, aye, it helps immeasurably.
Oct. 7th, 2010 07:16 am (UTC)
Don't you ever worry about replying to my comments. I just want you to know that I am thinking and praying things get better for you both. Hugggggssssssss
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:45 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the hugs. As for responses, I think it says a lot that I wasn't; I usually enjoy doing so a great deal.
Oct. 7th, 2010 08:02 am (UTC)
Hugs and love.

It's both okay and important to do what you need at any and every given twist of the medical rollercoaster ride. Respond when that helps you, and likewise disengage when that's what you need.

Praises be for wise doctors, and for good head changes, too. (Oh, dear, I first typed that as "good head changes, goo." So of course I had to tell you.)

More hugs and love. Always, but especially right now.
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:45 pm (UTC)
Heh. I like the idea of good head goo. It's ever so much better than bad head goo.
Oct. 7th, 2010 08:26 am (UTC)
I'm so glad things are a little bit better! Keep on holding yourself together and helping Bob do the same. I don't think anyone is expecting you to respond to comments unless doing so happens to be helpful to you right now.

Oct. 7th, 2010 02:46 pm (UTC)
Holding myself together ... yes, that's been interesting, but it has proven possible. Thank you!
Oct. 7th, 2010 08:29 am (UTC)
{more hugs}
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:46 pm (UTC)
*gratefully received*
Oct. 7th, 2010 09:58 am (UTC)
Thanks so much for updating. *hugs* I'm boggled that you had to work while going through all of that.
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:47 pm (UTC)
The work had to be done, and I guess it kept my mind off some of the troubles. That's how I'll look at it, anyhow. Thanks for the hugs, my dear.
(no subject) - ljgeoff - Oct. 7th, 2010 08:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 7th, 2010 10:03 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for updating us - I've been thinking of you both.
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:48 pm (UTC)
We appreciate your thoughts - thanks.
Oct. 7th, 2010 10:12 am (UTC)
Oh, this is all good news! Hotcha!

Oct. 7th, 2010 02:49 pm (UTC)
Hotcha, indeed!
Oct. 7th, 2010 10:16 am (UTC)
Sounds old-fashioned, but it meant the doctor was no longer focusing on trying invasive shit to get Bob out of the building as fast as possible. He was focusing on Bob's health.

I am very glad to hear this. Bless you both! You cannot rush good healing, and often what the body most needs is time. I hope there's steady healing from now on. . .
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:50 pm (UTC)
Slow and steady can save the day, as my mother and grandmother used to say. I'm concentrating on that. Thanks!
Oct. 7th, 2010 11:42 am (UTC)
So glad to hear that things are a bit better, in your heads if nothing else. And the "rest yourself well" approach sounds reassuringly human and, as you say, non-invasive.

Don't let updating or replying to comments become a worry - use LJ if it helps, ignore it if it doesn't and there's no time. It's all about you and Bob, not the rest of us for now.
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:52 pm (UTC)
"Rest yourself well" is one piece of medical phraseology for which I shall forever be grateful to the doctor. And today I feel in touch enough with the world to try to talk to everyone, but it's good to know that if I lack the energy or head space to do it, folks will forgive.
Oct. 7th, 2010 12:28 pm (UTC)
Every bit of better helps...

Oct. 7th, 2010 02:53 pm (UTC)
Indeed it does!
Oct. 7th, 2010 01:26 pm (UTC)
It's good to hear that he's doing a bit better. Continuing to keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much.
Oct. 7th, 2010 01:56 pm (UTC)
Great to hear that he's getting better, and being looked after so well. I hope that you both continue to receive good news, and feel better both physically and emotionally. And also, you deserve a hearty pat on the back or a hug for getting through all of this.
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:55 pm (UTC)
Pats and hugs are all accepted with alacrity; Bob deserves about a gazillion more of them, for actually having to experience all the pain and weakness, etc., so I'll pass some on to him.
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:56 pm (UTC)
Thanks. Right now, Bob is hoping to get some sleep today, because he's been without for more than 48 hours.
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:06 pm (UTC)
First, this is good news. Time for Bob and you to get some rest and heal (emotionally as well because this kind of hell leaves a mark).

Second, my feelings are not hurt when you don't comment because you are busy dealing with life. My ego should not be high on your list of priorities. Figure out what is important and get it done. Getting yourself worked up because you haven't had time to respond to LJ comments makes no sense.
Oct. 7th, 2010 02:58 pm (UTC)
The news is indeed good, and I am now trying not to get my hopes up too much, trying to take a very Zen attitude towards the situation. As Bob (and, apparently, the Buddha) has said, the root of misery is wanting that which one cannot have.
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