Ordinarily, right about now, me being who I am and my body being the ill-tempered clavier that it's chosen to be today, I'd be complaining about it. And I've reason to; I'm uncomfortable and in a certain amount of pain. (Age, they name is all too often lower GI distemper ....)
But it seems so little a nuisance. Today, Andy and Emily came over and took me out for Mother's Day. So the four of us (of course BB was with us; as Andy and I agreed, without BB, I wouldn't be a mother) headed north to Evanston and had a lovely early supper, sitting outside and enjoying the warm weather.
Last night, BB gave me a Mother's Day present - a TARDIS usb port hub that goes VWORP when you plug anything into it! And the blue light goes on when it's plugged in! And if you just want to hear it go VWORP, why, you push the sign on the door!
I mean, how cool is that?/nerd
Then I got a call from my brother, wishing me a Happy Mother's Day.
This year, I'd forgotten about Mother's Day. I don't have to think too hard about why. It's not that I was actively forgetting it, nor does it really make my heart hurt too much to think about the fact that this is the first time in my life I haven't wished my mother a Happy Mother's Day. But it is the first time. And until last night, I'd just put the whole day out of my mind.
Once I'd remembered it (and gotten over geeking out about the TARDIS usb hub), I thought about Mum, very quickly, my mind skittering over the thought and sliding off into other directions almost immediately. I put on the last ring she ever got me on, and realized for the first time that she'd gotten me a ring whose band can be spread apart, to get past arthritis-swollen knuckles, and tightened up again. I hadn't noticed that when she first gave it to me, but when I saw it today, I remembered how kind she was. The last few years, she'd heard me complain about how difficult it was to wear rings now. And she found this one for me, without even mentioning the special feature. It may seem corny to say, but I felt as if I'd gotten a new gift from her this year.
I mentioned that when I thought about her, my mind slid off and away. I can think of her at the top level of my mind, but I think if I think about her at a deeper level, it will hurt. So I don't, and my mind shies like a fly-bitten horse around what's waiting below. My brother told me that the first thing he thought when he awoke this morning was that his guardian angel was looking down at him and smiling. I ... would like to think so. I'd also like to think that she has better things to do, and more important things to think about, on whatever plane she is, than look back here. Unless it makes her happy.
I hope, if you are a mother, that you spent today with people who love you, who told you how much you mean to them.
I hope, if you have a mother, that you were able to tell her that you love her.
If you don't have a mother you can say anything to - I know there are many people who don't have mothers they can love or like - then I hope there is some woman in your life that you could look to, and hug, and tell,"thank you for being there for me."
I hope, if you're like me, that you have wonderful memories of your mother, and that they help a little with the ache. Those memories are treasures.
This entry was originally posted at http://kaffyr.dreamwidth.org/300880.html?mode=reply, where there are currently comments. You can comment there or here; I watch both.