It's Been Very Real Out There
So this is just a placeholder to say I'm still alive. My mother died a year ago Monday. That's weird. My company gets sold tomorrow. Also weird. I have a head cold. Not weird, just uncomfortable. More, later.
This entry was originally posted at http://kaffyr.dreamwidth.org/329785.html?mode=reply, where there are currently
comments. You can comment there or here; I watch both.
So this is just a placeholder to say I'm still alive. My mother died a year ago Monday. That's weird. My company gets sold tomorrow. Also weird. I have a head cold. Not weird, just uncomfortable. More, later.
This entry was originally posted at http://kaffyr.dreamwidth.org/329785.html?mode=reply, where there are currently
- Current Location:Going to bed
- Current Mood:
exanimate
Comments
We'll be here, sweetie...
♥
Does lemon tea help relieve cold symptoms for you? If so, please have a cup or three on me. And if I could order hot pot soup from Saigon Uptown in Mpls to be shipped to you, I would.
< i>Does lemon tea help relieve cold symptoms for you?</i>
Nope, not unless it has copious amounts of bourbon in it. Heh. On the other hand, yes indeed, hot pot soup sounds wonderful!
We do. ♥♥♥ And honestly, it can be a damn lifesaver! ;)
Be gentle and kind to yourself! You deserve it.
Oh, thank you! Your words, and
It's less pain than the feeling one layer above that. I still haven't allowed myself to really think about it. The pain has surprised me a couple of times this year, and it's really horrible when it ambushes me. I suppose professionals would say that I need to really think about it now, get all the pain out and live through it. But I'm still not ready. It hurts
Somehow, what you've told me, though, makes me feel a little better. Thank you.
I suppose professionals would say that I need to really think about it now, get all the pain out and live through it.
I'm not a professional in this, just someone who has lived with it. Not through it -- not exactly. One of the things that has helped me is not expecting to get "through" it, as in, pass through and leave everything behind me and yo, it's past, bye. I discovered early on that this expectation made me angry as hell -- because my mother was too damned important to be left behind. She's dead, she was my mother and she was wonderful (and sometimes not wonderful, being human), and I will always carry with me the love and the memories and the loss.
The pain is part of the loss, of course -- for me, it was the loss that I had to come to terms with; the pain was a side effect, Iguess.
The loss changes shape over time. It gets less spiky, less opaque. It stops being an agony, stops threatening to disable, no longer looks like a void that will swallow the world. It stays with you as a part of you, and shapes a part of your soul as you move forward through life. It finds its scale as one of the key things that happened between you and your mother -- but it's not the most important thing, because there are all the wonderful things that you shared during her life, and all the wonderful parts of her that remain with you.
If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out to me.
*also hugs, if you don't mind an offer of hugs*
One of the things that has helped me is not expecting to get "through" it, as in, pass through and leave everything behind me and yo, it's past, bye. I discovered early on that this expectation made me angry as hell -- because my mother was too damned important to be left behind. [snip] it was the loss that I had to come to terms with; the pain was a side effect, I guess.
This, particularly the last bit, is brilliantly on point, and it's something I hadn't thought about, that the pain is a side-effect. If I start thinking about that, it becomes more something I can understand, and less something I'm overwhelmed by.
I'm sort of verging on speechless, and very touched, with your offer. Thank you; this is why I always laugh when people say that people can't connect on the Internet.
I will gladly accept a hug. Hugs are always in order.