kaffyr (kaffyr) wrote,
kaffyr
kaffyr

Dept. of Scattershot

These Things Occur to Me

It's bound to be a ... day ... when you start off by forgetting to put the top on the blender in which you are making your breakfast smoothie.


I understand the new awareness of how romantic and sexual relationships with large age differences can be of concern, especially if the younger person (usually female in these considerations, but realistically not always) is in a social/physical/emotional position in which there is a notable power imbalance. I understand that such power imbalances largely (not always; note what I say) suggest relationships based on some form of conscious or unconscious coercion on the part of the older partner.  And I understand that those types of relationships are bad.

But damn it, sometimes that isn't the case! I'm fed up to my eyeteeth with seeing people online automatically assume that a relationship in which there is an age difference of 10 years or more is a) problematic b) skeevy, and (this one really pisses me off) c) automatically not a relationship that is based on love, friendship or respect; in short, not a valid relationship.

Please, for the love of all that's holy - including relationships - why not try to default to giving the relationship a chance unless you can immediately (or pretty immediately) spot coercion, lying, and/or pressure on the part of the partner with more power? Why not try to approach relationships with age gaps with some sense of context?

God knows, what is significant if the relationship is between a 15-year-old and a 30-year-old is potentially insignificant between an emotionally stable 19-year-old and a 34-year-old. Yes. Stop clutching your pearls and consider that humans come in infinitely-varied emotional forms. There are immature 40-year-olds and magnificently mature 14-to-16-year olds.

Back to context: What is fine between a 29-year-old and a 39-year-old is probably going to be wrong - and generally illegal - between a 15-year-old and a 25-year-old. But even then, there are statistically going to be relationships in that age bracket that Work. Just. Fine.

tl;dr: I understand power imbalances, but I question whether there is an unbreakable inappropriateness inherent in relationships with big age gaps. For me, the problem is not in the age gap; the problem is the power imbalance that age gaps all too often bring.

This rant brought to you by one too many online discussions about "inappropriate relationships" that read just fine to me. Gah.


My editor, let me praise her. She's a good editor. I really like her.

The first MCU fic is edging toward 3,000 words. I wish I could wrap it up faster than I'm going to be able to.

Have I mentioned lately that I love The Expanse? Have I mentioned how it manages to be as close to realistic hard science fiction as one can get, while still telling a multi-pronged and gripping story filled with real three-dee characters, a complicated and fascinating political plot, and thoughtful social extrapolations? I have? Well, you'll probably hear me gush over the series again. We've just watched the sixth episode in the first 10-episode season, and I am very glad that it got renewed by SyFy.

I am grateful that today I saw a cardinal (male, in all his red glory) on the greensward across the street from my window.







This entry was originally posted at http://kaffyr.dreamwidth.org/407251.html?mode=reply, where there are currently comment count unavailable comments. You can comment there or here; I watch both.
Tags: fanfic, gratitude, grumpy old bat, meanderings, television, writing
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