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Dept. of Reawakening

Hello Again

For so long I haven"t wanted to post - or perhaps more accurately, I've wanted to post, but haven't been able to. Lacking emotional spoons, I suppose. It's a battle to write for work. It's a battle to communicate with my beloved, because my brain's so empty and, despite what some folks say, without a brain you can't express your heart. It's a battle to keep the house clean, even when I have the time; it's hard to think, hard to be creative, hard to connect with other people unless I absolutely have to. 

In short, I am, apparently, pretty depressed.

There's no medication I can take, or adjust, to deal with this. I'm already on meds that have stood me in good stead for some time, and the last time I checked with my shrink, he evinced no interest in changing them, nor did he seem to think I needed any change. Right now, I don't have the energy to consider changing shrinks, so I simply have to battle - there's that word again - myself out of this.

One way to battle depression is to list some of the things I've been doing that are either positive, good, or even funny or remotely out of the ordinary. 

So let's go: 

I've ordered and received five pounds of premium buckwheat hulls. I have therefore been able to refill my three Korean neck pillows, a necessity as the buckwheat hulls break down and the pillows lose their rigidity. I love my neck pillows. I can't sleep without one. 

I've worked on Chapter 28, as I mentioned. 

I've started watching Season 7 of Game of Thrones (many thanks to FB, who gave me his HBO Go password, and with whom I fangirl thereafter.) BB finally admitted that he wasn't in the least interested in watching Seasons 2 through 6 with me, so I'll watch those at my leisure. It's actually a relief; I'd strongly suspected that BB didn't want to watch, and kept telling him he didn't need to, but for the longest time he insisted that he was fine with watching it. 

We're refinancing the condo, something I'm not sure I've mentioned before. I was already going to be in my 70s before the mortgage was up, so extending it out longer, for lower monthly payments and lower interest rates, was a good idea. Many thanks to BB for taking the initiative on that with our mortgage holder. 

We finally, finally got started on getting our wills set up. There's more work to be done, but we've started, and that's a big deal. 

I've gotten through the first season of Sense8, and am embarking on the second season. It's brilliant. 

And there; that's all I can get myself to write about.

How have all of you been?


This entry was originally posted at http://kaffyr.dreamwidth.org/670352.html?mode=reply, where there are currently comment count unavailable comments. You can comment there or here, but prefer to read over on DW. You can comment there using open ID if you don't have a DW account.


Aug. 13th, 2017 09:14 pm (UTC)
*hugs you hard* I totally get this. And all you can do is soldier on and know it will get better (on the good days, anyway). Pulling for you, honey. ALWAYS.

*Sends love*
Aug. 13th, 2017 09:24 pm (UTC)
Oh, you're here! I'm so glad! I've been worried about you!!

*hugs and more hugs*
Aug. 13th, 2017 09:32 pm (UTC)
My dear one - I should not be an extra worry on your mind! I'm trying my best to break back in and...BE HERE, you know? I miss it. I say that with every post I DO make (which has been few, I know), but maybe with my next post I can explain my silly anxieties about posting (when it seems I'm never here) a little better - and worry my loved ones less.

You and Bob and FB are always in my heart. I think of you often (and worry a bit myself, lol!) I keep trying to find ways to interact more..and I'm hoping that soon that will be a possibility. Know I'm always sending love and hope, m'dear. You are loved. Always!
Aug. 13th, 2017 10:00 pm (UTC)
One worries about one's friends - don't feel guilty about that. I'm just glad to "hear" you. I certainly understand about not being able to post!
Aug. 13th, 2017 11:16 pm (UTC)
*hugs you hard* Here is to hoping we both have happier times (and more time!) soon. ♥

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